It's been a successful week. I've taken on two new face to face clients. I’ve restructured my training so that I get a ‘family day’ with my gorgeous fiancé. I find that I am feeling more social, making more and more plans and probably putting too much on my plate. But you know, you only live once and I’m restricted enough through prep without placing additional restrictions on myself. I'll manage what I can and reduce if I need to.
I’m definitely more relaxed. I’ve had some pretty good strength increases too. I’ve noticed that I am holding a lot tighter, particularly in my upper body and waist. It’s a relief to see that my body is responding and that I don’t have too far to go to get my stage physique on!! Once I see those ab veins I know I’m where I want to be.
The only downer in my week is my work Christmas lunch. I have zero desire to eat anything outside of my diet so I am not worried in the lightest about temptation. The lunch is actually an all day event, meaning that I will have to take all of my meals with me and pull them out in front of everyone. That is humiliating, talk about feeling like a freak.
I am aware that it is my choice to compete. However that does not mean that I do not tire of the constant questioning by my peers. I am aware of how different I am, everyone knows I am a competitor. However you can guarantee every single time I pull out a meal, I cop an interrogation about what I am eating and why... every single time for the past 6 years.
It makes me feel judged. I am aware of how different I am and everyone knows by now why I eat the way that I do. I highly doubt that this is a point of interest for them as I've always discouraged conversation as there is more to me as a person to discuss then my eating habits.
Regardless of whether my perception around this is always correctly interpreted, this is my diary and these are my feelings. There’s a fine line between being interested and invasive.
I make peace with this by knowing;
1) I am more sensitive now as I am dieting
2) I am doing what they cannot do and will achieve something they never will.